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The Easy Way Or The Hard Way – It’s Up To You

Nancy — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 22:37:28 +0000

The last time our 4-year old nephew Kai was spending the night, I had a hard time convincing him to brush his teeth. I tried all the bribing, cajoling, and threatening I could think of until finally I said, “Okay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, it’s up to you!”

Being the Mr. Smartypants that he is he said with twinkle in his eye, “The hard way.”

So I left him sitting on the bathroom counter – for five minutes – with no way to get down. That might sound mean or punitive, but I was tired of trying to figure out how to get him to comply. I figured a “time-out” would help.

When I went back to find him playing with the water in the sink, no worse for the wear, I thought “Great, he hasn’t learned anything.” But when he looked up he said, “The easy way” and proceeded to brush his teeth with no problem.

It got me to thinking, why when there is an easy way and a hard way, would this 4-year old choose the hard way? Why would any of us?

THE HARD WAY

After owning three businesses over the past 11 years, I can tell you plenty about the hard way. I chose it time and again.

The hard way consisted of:

Wasting time trying to create the perfect business plan
Hiding behind my computer/website believing I was building my business that way
Spending months developing programs or products I didn’t know how to sell (or no one wanted to buy)
Not charging what I was worth because I hadn’t “proved” myself yet
Trying to be “all things to all people”
Not hiring a coach who had done what I wanted to do

Now that we’ve been working with women business owners for the last four years, I see that I’m not alone! They too are consistently choosing the hard way. Why?

THE EASY WAY

Because the easy way consists of something outside of most women’s comfort zone…Selling!

Now be honest, did you just have a bit of disappointment when you just heard the easy way did not contain some sort of magical formula or newfound social media strategy that would bring you tons of customers ready to buy?

I’d understand it if you did. Most of us have been programmed to think negatively of sales and avoid it like the plague. And yet, it is the easiest way to get cash flow in your business – now!

Knowing that it’s such a painful topic for women, I’m going to spend the next couple of weeks breaking down exactly how sales is actually the easy way in business and how you can get comfortable with it.

If Kai could get comfortable with the hardest thing for a 4-year old to do (complying apparently) – there is hope for you too.

A Year From Now, You Will Wish You Started Today

Nancy — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 21:15:32 +0000

Awhile back, I heard a quote that stopped me in my tracks. Jim Rohn, America’s foremost business coach once said:

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”

While the truth of this quote sunk in, I had to admit there were plenty of things I had regret over because I never disciplined myself to change my result.

As I’ve shared this philosophy with others, I find that most of the time we put off the discipline because that has to come now while the regret can come much later.

Take our physical health for example. Getting off the couch or denying ourselves dessert happens (or doesn’t happen) in the present moment. The regret may come much later when we are diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure or develop a chronic pain in our knee.

The amazing thing is, statistics show that when faced with a dire consequence to our health only 5-10% of people will make a radical, sustainable change. You’ve probably heard of people diagnosed with lung cancer who wouldn’t give up smoking. This happens more than we can imagine.

But where else does this phenomenon occur? Where else in life do we put off the discipline until we are paying dearly?

Relationships – Many couples ignore the problems in their relationships until there is nothing left to salvage. It seems ludicrous that people would rather pay thousands to a divorce attorney than hundreds to a marriage counselor. But that is the point. To go to counseling now requires time, energy and vulnerability and most people just don’t want to make the effort. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to witness or go through a divorce, you see the regret firsthand.

Business – Typically 75% of all new businesses fail within the first year. After a year like the last few, I suspect that number is even higher. So what happens in that first year of business that makes it so difficult to survive? In my experience, most business owners are not willing to pick up the phone to call for the sales or help they need. Whether it’s pride (I should be able to figure this out myself) or fear (They will reject me), before long the bills are unpaid and the doors have to close. Think about that, the vast majority of people who decide to open a business would rather face closing the doors (regret in the future) than feel the pain of picking up the phone to sell their services today (discipline now).

Money & Finances – Over the last few years, we’ve learned more about our neighbors spending habits than we may have ever wanted to know. About 43% of American families spend more than they earn each year, the average household carries more than $8000 in credit card debt and very few have savings or retirement accounts. This can only occur when short-term thinking outweighs long-term thinking. The very use of a credit card implies that we want it now – but we’ll pay for it later. Money is the number one thing couples fight about. Yet the discipline of managing their money seems more painful to them than the hiding, arguing, and ultimate regret when the money runs out or there isn’t money to do the things they really want to do.

So what is the solution? We live in an instant gratification society and we want what we want right now. So how do we shift to being more proactive before the pain sets in?

This may sound like a “no-brainer” but if you don’t have clear goals, that’s the first problem. A goal or a vision of what you want – long term – is the first step. So whether it’s to lose 20 lbs. or to vacation in Paris, you have to be crystal clear about what you want. In other words, your WHY has to be very compelling.

A practical plan for reaching your goal is the next requirement. Without a plan, a goal is just a dream. There are plans for weight loss, money management, even for keeping a relationship strong. So create or borrow a plan from someone else who has done what you want to do.

Next is support. Support and accountability are key. Because no matter how motivated you are when you start – motivation doesn’t last. Just go to a gym January 2nd and then return 30 days later and see the difference. So get a team or coach that will hold you accountable to taking action on your plan. This could be a business coach, financial advisor or even a workout buddy depending on your goal.

The bottom line is that while it might not be human nature to focus on the long-term, the rewards are definitely worth it. What will you wish you had started today a year from now?

How to Actually Survive the Holidays

Nancy — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 14:00:19 +0000

I know this time of year, everyone encourages you to be thankful for the good in your life. Holidays, by their very definition, should be a time of reflection and gratitude.

So how is it that this time of year sometimes becomes the craziest of all? Relatives to visit, parties to attend, extra meals to make, visitors, and let’s not forget – THE GIFTS!

I grew up not celebrating the holidays for religious reasons. That’s right, NO holidays. So I was in an interesting position…I had all this time off but no added stress or obligations.

My co-workers who knew this used to tell me how lucky I was. I remember thinking, “how sad is that?” Here they wait all year for this time of year and yet when it arrives, the stress outweighs the joy.

As I left that religion, I wondered how my old beliefs would come together with my new beliefs – especially around holiday time. Would I be okay with giving gifts (yes!), eating turkey on Thanksgiving (no problem there!), a Christmas tree in my house (so far, no).

One thing I realized I wanted was a part of the traditional holidays – more time with family and friends, the fun of finding the “perfect” gift for someone – but didn’t want the stress and overwhelm experienced by the people around me. The question was “Is that even possible?”

Turns out, yes. However, I’ve needed to be very strategic about it. Here are my tips for surviving the holidays – newbie though I be!

GIFT GIVING – One thing I’ve done in the past, and will never do again, is buy a lame gift for someone simply because I “have” to. It feels forced and deprives me of that warm and fuzzy feeling of giving in the first place. There really is more happiness in giving than in receiving – when I find that perfect gift for someone.

Now when I don’t find the perfect gift, does that just mean “oh well, too bad for you.” I’m thinking that wouldn’t go over well since reciprocity is the un-written rule of gift giving this time of year. So my solution to buying a less-than-perfect gift? I either make someone their favorite treat (chocolate, sugar cookies, etc.) or offer to take them out to lunch or dinner (on me) during the holiday season when they need a break. What better offer than a gift of your time and attention?

“ME” TIME VS. “US” TIME – One reason I think people get so crazed during the holiday season is there is so much time spent tending to others. I know there are many women who love the holidays just for this reason but admit to feeling a bit haggard once it’s over.

It’s important to balance the time you spend with others with the time you spend with yourself. Holidays are supposed to refresh us and give us more energy, not deplete us. And if we’re always giving to others but not “refilling our tank” eventually we’re going to run empty.

I have several “me” times that are becoming a ritual so I stay grounded during the holidays. (*Note: if you have children, I realize these suggestions will take a little more creativity to implement. But that’s no excuse not to do something for yourself!)

Day after Thanksgiving – For those who have Friday off after Thanksgiving (which should be a legal holiday by the way!), since Thursday was most likely spent with lots of relatives and friends, Friday is a great day for some alone time. Last year, I checked into Bristol Harbour Resort (which was empty and cheaper because of the holiday) and spent the day and night reading, sleeping, hiking, and sitting by the fire in absolute quiet. No TV, no cell phone, no computer. It was oddly unsettling at first. It’s only then that I realized how “noisy” life had become.

New Year’s Day – Now some people may not be in any condition to do any “heavy lifting” after imbibing the night before, but since I’m not a big drinker, I dedicate this day to contemplation – where I’ve been, where I’m at and where I want to go. I reflect on the past year and I write the following: the top 25 accomplishments from the year, the top 10 distractions (always big AHA’s for me here) and my top 10 goals for the coming year. To me, it’s the perfect way to start the New Year.

KEEPING RITUALS

Now this is where I think most people get it right. Many families have rituals they’ve followed for years. There is something comforting about familiarity and consistency.

Christmas Eve – For a long time, I spent Christmas Eve alone. As I said, my family doesn’t celebrate and most of my friends had plans with their own families. So with the stores closed and no one around, I started watching holiday-themed movies. I usually whipped up some “special” hot chocolate (I said I wasn’t a big drinker, not that I didn’t drink at all ;-), popcorn and watched back-to-back movies. If you like chick-flicks, here are my recommendations: The Holiday (Jude Law – enough said!), Love Actually (Colin Firth and Hugh Grant – oh how did Bridget Jones choose?), and Notting Hill (Hugh Grant at his finest…hmm, are we seeing a theme here with British men?)

Trans-siberian Orchestra – If you’ve never heard of them, you’ve probably heard their music. Their live show is inspiring and electrifying. I’ve seen their concert the last five years (they always come to Rochester at some point during the holiday season) and I’m never disappointed. Just think opera, classical music, rock music, and holiday songs combined!

Given your specific obligations and circumstances, these suggestions may not work for you as I’ve described them. But the underlying principle remains the same. It’s up to you to make sure the holidays are what you want them and need them to be.

Wishing you Happy Holidays and a Prosperous New Year!

Nancy Roberts & Chris Kenney

Why Only 20% Ever Succeed

Nancy — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 03:37:52 +0000

Last time we talked about the phenomenon that in almost any population, you will have 5% who are superstars, 15% who show potential, and 80% who for the most part will not ever rise to the top.

So the question that comes up is…Why don’t the 80% move?

Scientists may blame DNA and assume that if nature didn’t give a person the “right stuff”, no amount of nurturing will do it.

New Age Spiritualists may say “it’s not your time” for you to succeed. They may believe we continue to evolve over many different lifetimes.

Psychologists blame subconscious programming and beliefs. And here is where I start to become a believer!

What we know nowadays about the conscious and unconscious minds would confirm this. Let’s review.

Conscious	Unconscious (subconscious)
Inside our current awareness	Outside our current awareness
Controls 2-4% of our behavior and decisions	Controls 96-98% of our behavior and decisions
Rational thought and reasoning	Feelings, urges, and memories
Able to accept and reject	Accepts based on repetition and emotion

Up until about age 7, our conscious mind – which can accept or reject ideas – is not fully developed. That means our subconscious mind is a sponge for everything we are told, taught and observe. And anything experience repeatedly or with strong emotion, imprints our subconscious and becomes a belief.

Unfortunately many of the beliefs we were programmed with about ourselves are not very empowering. That’s why they are called “self-limiting” beliefs. They are not necessarily true, but we believe them like they are true.

Maxwell Maltz of “Pshycho-Cybernetics” says that “All of your actions, feelings, behaviors, even your abilities are always consistent with your own self-image. You can never exceed the limits you put on yourself (although – you can set new limits by changing your self-image.)”

This means that if we don’t spend any time reprogramming the unconscious beliefs we have about our self – we will never exceed those limiting beliefs. Thus the 80%.

How does this show up in our life? Well, it looks like a trip from San Francisco to LA. It doesn’t matter how you travel to your destination (bus, plane, roller-skates) as long as you keep heading toward your desired location (LA), you will eventually get there.

But at some point, you get turned around. You start to question your path. Perhaps a detour came up that got you sidetracked. Pretty soon, you’re heading back to San Francisco.

Then, somehow, you get some new inspiration or information and correct your course and start heading to LA again. You make some progress. Maybe even make it halfway. But lo and behold, something happens and you get turned around again.

When this keeps happening, it is conceivable that you could spend your WHOLE LIFE going in circles and never reaching your destination. This is how it feels to be in the 80%. It’s not that they don’t want something different (they really want to be in LA), it’s that they don’t know what to do to stop reverting back to what their unconscious programming believes is comfortable and safe (San Francisco).

Next time, I will share a model that alerts you EXACTLY when you’re about to revert back. And I’ll explain what you have to do instead to make it to the 20% of top performers in any field.

Why 80% Will Never Succeed…

Nancy — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 03:45:24 +0000

Most people have heard of the Pareto Principle, otherwise known as the 80/20 Rule. The premise is that 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts. It can and does apply to most things in life:

If you’re in business, 20% of your clients bring you 80% of your revenue.
If you look in your closet, you likely wear 20% of your clothing 80% of the time.
In any group of people, 20% will be top high achievers and 80% will struggle to reach high levels of success.

A few years ago, I was privileged to read a “secret” fax that Dan Kennedy (“millionaire maker”) sent to some of his advisors. He was warning them of a further application of this rule that he had seen in his 30+ years of working with business owners.

Here in part is what it said:

“Take any population (salesforce, high school, small town). It divides itself 5/15/80. 5% are stars, 15% are pretty good and 80% are clueless and useless.” (Dan’s words – not mine!)

“And if you take all the wealth away from the 5% and divvy it up amongst the 80%, in short order, the 5% will get it all back. Not really because they’re so exceptional. More because the 80% choose to be so unexceptional.”

Dan Kennedy is not one to mince words. But ever since I read this, I have paid attention to it and I see this concept everywhere.

The 5% excel NO MATTER WHAT. It doesn’t matter if they have no money, no mentors, no education – they succeed by doing whatever it takes.

The 15% have potential. It seems that if they do get the coaching, the education, or the right opportunity at the right time – they embrace it and will succeed.

However, the 80% – it doesn’t matter if they have the perfect circumstances, money, opportunity right in front of them, guidance, mentorship – they STILL won’t move!

And this is what we all have to remember. WANTING success or happiness or wealth isn’t enough. EVERYONE wants those things. But only 20% ever get them.

So the “moment of truth” question for you is – are YOU in the 20%? Here’s how you will know.

WANTING SOMETHING REALLY BAD
+
UNWILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET IT
=
LIFETIME OF DISAPPOINTMENT & FRUSTRATION

If you want something but are unwilling to do what it takes to get that thing, you are in the 80% who will languish at the bottom of success in any area.

If you want freedom + but won’t quit your job = frustration
If you want a relationship + but won’t do the necessary introspection to find out why you keep repelling people = frustration
If you want more money + but aren’t willing to quit shopping = frustration
If you want a successful business + but aren’t willing to invest in yourself or the business = frustration

This isn’t meant to discourage you. If anything, it’s a wake-up call. As Dan said above, it’s not that the 20% are so exceptional. It’s that the 80% CHOOSE to be unexceptional.

It’s a choice.

How Well Do You Handle Criticism?

Nancy — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 03:49:06 +0000

Every week when I publish my Ezine, I usually get very positive feedback. Everything from “you go girl” to “that was exactly what I needed to hear.”

However, once in awhile someone will react badly to something I’ve written and take the opportunity to let me know about it and usually not in such positive terms. These are some actual emails I’ve received:

“It’s sad to see what you’ve become.” (from a former friend who shared the same religious upbringing as me)
“You are preoccupied with success and money.” (from a reader who accused me of using money-mongering quotes)
“Your marketing has gotten too SPAM-like for me.” (from a colleague who asked to be unsubscribed and yet has since re-subscribed)

I’ll be the first to admit that these criticisms sting. Ironically, years ago I was hesitating publishing an Ezine for this very reason. I was so afraid I would be criticized or that people wouldn’t approve of me.

So you know what I did? I chose to focus on only the positive responses I received. Yes, I am still open to criticism – if it’s constructive. But if someone is just looking to vent or bash me, I have no problem hitting DELETE and then UNSUBSCRIBE.

The reason I feel so confident doing this (AND HERE IS THE REAL POINT OF THIS ARTICLE) is because for the exact Ezine article these people have criticized me for I’ve received glowing accolades from other people.

“I am so proud to see you owning your greatness.” (from a friend)
“You are spot on.” (from a former client who agreed with my philosophy around money)
“You are one of the most creative, inspiring entrepreneurs I have ever met.” (from a colleague)

When this happens, you really start to see that it has VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH YOU and much more to do with other people’s perceptions and opinions. And how they perceive you, has everything to do with them. It may sound trite to say ‘don’t take it personally’ but the truth is…it’s rarely about you.

Our coach, David Neagle, has drilled home for us this truth: “If it triggers them – it’s about them.”

So you could spend your whole life being careful not to offend someone. And yet, you would still offend someone!

Where have you put off doing something because you’re afraid of criticism? Where have you been criticized and it caused you to shrink back? What is one thing you would do today if you knew you could gracefully handle any criticism that came with it?

Why not do that thing today?

A Note From Nancy

Nancy — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:51:16 +0000

Over the past few months, Chris and I have been attending local events for women business owners. We have heard at several of them, when reviewing the “mission” of the group, that they are not a “selling-organization.” They are for support, sharing of ideas and best practices, etc.

After observing what happens at these groups, please forgive me if I say “ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ KIDDING ME?”

**Warning** major rant ahead…

First of all, many of the women in these rooms are broke. I know because I’ve sat down with them to discuss their businesses. They are barely scraping by. Second of all, women already have a reluctance to sell (discussed more in the article below) and now they are being told these groups are for support – not selling?

I admit when I was a struggling business owner, it did feel good to find out that others were in the same boat as me. What it did NOT do was help me grow my business!

But it wasn’t until I started hanging around successful business owners – people who were where I wanted to be – that my business started to change.

If you’re tired of struggling in business, and even more tired of talking about it, then it’s time to do something different. Join us over at et=”_blank”>http://www.myincome180.com/ for a new approach to growing a business – rapidly!

Why so many women business owners are broke

Nancy — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 02:28:49 +0000

In the last two articles, we have been discussing three theories as to why women are naturally good at the interaction (connection) and often really bad at the transaction (asking for the money).

Low self-esteem
Taught to cooperate, not compete
Our view of sales

Here is the third reason!

No matter what business you are in – selling MUST take place for you to be in business. Yet many women are opposed to selling their services, one-on-one, in a direct sales conversation. Why is this?

Most likely it’s because sales has gotten such a bad rap. If you were to write down the first five words that come to your mind when you hear the word “salesperson”, you would probably write a list that looks something like this:

Manipulative
Greedy
Liar
Pushy
Self-serving

If this is how you view salespeople and selling, then of course you would never want to be seen like that! You’ll do anything you can to avoid people seeing you as pushy, selfish, manipulative, etc.
And if you’re doing everything you can to avoid sales,
I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and assume that you’re broke!
The solution is to reframe what you believe about sales. What we have to realize is that sales really does STINK! (Wait, how does that help us?) Let’s look at the following model:

Service
Teaching
Integrity
Natural
Key

SERVICE: When we break it down, most products and services are sold to help solve a problem. If that is what your product does, you are doing a service by selling it. We have to remember, sales is not something you do TO someone, it is something you do FOR someone.

TEACHING: Most sales are made by educating the consumer first. You’re either clarifying their problem for them, or teaching them how your product can be a solution for them. Either way, you are adding to their knowledge base whether or not they buy from you.

INTEGRITY: If you truly believe in your product or service, and you know it can help people – then it is within your integrity to tell people about it. As a matter of fact, if you know you can help people and you withhold that information, I would go so far as to say you are out of integrity by holding back.

NATURAL: I wish I had a dollar for every person who has ever said to me “I’m just not a natural salesperson.” To that I say, “Bullsh*t!” Have you ever had a second date? Then you’ve sold! Are you married? Oh baby, you’ve really sold yourself! You convinced someone that you are the right person for them to spend the rest of your life with. (Of course, they may now want a refund! We’re all born with the ability to sell. Just watch a 4-year old who wants a cookie. They will negotiate, conjole, bargain, cry, charm…whatever they have to do to get that cookie.

KEY: Sales is the lifeblood of your business. Again, if you’re not selling – you’re not in business! Mastering sales really is the key to business success.

The bottom line is you must reframe how you see sales and STOP hiding behind other activities in your business

Q&A With Nancy – The Law of Attraction

Nancy — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 02:27:15 +0000

Q: On a recent call with Chris, he talked about the problem of running away from pain and suggested that one of the ways to get motivated was expressing what circumstances you DON’T want in your life. Isn’t the Law of Attraction to attract what you desire through emotion and visualization of what you DO want the exact opposite strategy? I am confused? ~ Colleen

A: Hi Colleen. I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction. Therefore, my goal isn’t to suggest you should constantly focus on pain and lack. What I think is productive is to think through the cost of inaction so you know how your decision to move forward in business or not impacts others. I don’t want you to constantly focus on it but rather just think it through so you are more likely to stay in action.

Also remember that both pleasure AND pain motivate. So the law of attraction is working with the part of the law that focuses on pleasure. Unfortunately, as humans, we are AT TIMES more motivated by pain than pleasure. And that is the key.

When you realize that you’ve been focused on your dream or desire for awhile but you’re just not getting anywhere, it’s time to evaluate your thoughts, feelings and actions. If you’re constantly spinning positive thoughts (like the Law of Attraction teaches) but not taking bold enough actions to get what you want – I guarantee you will be frustrated.

Instead, take a few moments to think about all that you will lose if you don’t reach your goal…and see if that doesn’t stir you to take bold action.

Why women are really good at the interaction but really bad at the transaction

Nancy — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 20:44:41 +0000

In the last article, I wrote about how as women, we are naturally good at the interaction (connection) and often really bad at the transaction (asking for the money).

I suggested three theories as to why this is:

Low self-esteem
Taught to cooperate, not compete
Our view of sales

On to the second reason.

Most women have been taught to be cooperative – not competitive. Though times are changing, think back to when you were young playing on the playground. What were the boys doing? Most likely fighting, racing, wrestling, name calling – whatever they could do to beat the other boys.

With girls, we were playing jump rope, or with dolls, or playing house. And if a little girl called me a name? I wouldn’t talk to her because she was mean. I wouldn’t try and one-up her. Or wrestle her to the ground.

You see, by and large, boys are trained to be competitive. To boast about themselves and their accomplishments.

Women are trained to be cooperative. Put ourselves down. Deflect compliments (“This dress? Oh it was only $9.99”). Never appear to be bragging.

So isn’t it obvious how this hinders us in selling ourselves or our products and services?

I’ve heard women in business, when asked by a prospect about their competition (“What do you think about so and so?), to sing their competition’s praises so well, the prospect wanted to hire the competition instead!!

I’m not saying you should throw your competition under the bus. But at least give yourself a fighting chance!

So how do we fix this? Since most of us are SO uncomfortable with the idea of self-promotion, here are a couple of strategies to get you started.

Stop deflecting compliments. The next time someone compliments you, simply say “Thank you.” You won’t believe how difficult this is.
Start letting yourself win. If you often let others win games (scrabble, euchre, wii, etc.) trying winning for a change. And when you win, be gracious not apologetic!
Stop dwelling on your mistakes and foibles. I heard Brendan Bouchard speak this past weekend. He said that science is showing more and more that anxiety and depression are directly related to how long we hold onto negative thoughts about ourselves and our situations.
Start putting yourself first. Take the last piece of pie. Choose the movie you want to see. Start asserting yourself in small ways – so when you need to assert yourself in a sales situation – it comes more naturally.
Stop thinking of self-promotion as a bad thing. Most men have the attitude “if I don’t sing my own praises, no one will.” And they are right! For the first three years in my business, I wouldn’t ask for a referral or the business from a prospect because I felt like I was good at what I do and people should just want to work with me. This is a delusion!

And for heaven’s sake, start thinking of sales as a good thing! In our next article, I will share how our view of sales keeps us broke.